


Carry This Heavy Crown

by vagrantBreath



Series: Shattered [6]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blind Character, Guilt, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-14 15:58:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10539771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vagrantBreath/pseuds/vagrantBreath
Summary: A little guilt goes a long way.Perhaps a little too far.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome, my friends, to the next part of Shattered. Strap in, because I have a few surprises planned.

The first thing Laz smelled when she woke was Keith.

Her head rose suddenly, eyes opening. Keith? Where was Keith? Where-

But all she heard was Thace snoring on the bed. Slowly, she stood, feeling her leg scream in pain at her as she walked to the bed. Thace laid there, sleeping. Alone, one arm reaching out for- Keith.

He could probably smell Keith too. Being his room, Keith’s smell permeated the air. As soon as she walked in, Laz could smell Keith. But it was all a cruel lie - he wasn’t here. He wasn’t-

Laz closed her eyes, sitting down.

Then she stood again, carefully climbing up onto the bed. Thace stirred as she laid down next to him, opening his eyes to look blindly at her. “Keith?”

”Laz.” Words had started to come easier to her the longer she stayed with the Paladins, but they still... were not _easy._ She still couldn’t quite put her thoughts to words the way she wanted to. “Only Laz.”

Carefully, Thace reached out, patting her head and shoulders. “Ah.” His fingers gently rubbed her ears as he relaxed. “Are you well, Laz?”

”Need... sit here.” She wasn’t sure there _were_ words to explain the utter need she had to curl up next to someone. After what happened with Keith, losing him like that... “Just sit.”

But Thace seemed to understand, his face growing solemn. Laz studied his face, wondering... did he feel the same as her? If she hadn’t... if she had just insisted... Laz pressed her face to his shoulder, closing her eyes as he stroked the back of her head.

If she had just led Thace to Shiro and insisted on going with Keith, he would still be with them. All this was her fault. She could have fixed all of this by going with him and watching his back. That was what she did best. She had always been a guard. Being hurt like this, her mind, body, and soul... it weakened her, and she had just started regaining her strength with the Paladins. But she wasn’t strong enough to save Keith. She wasn’t-

And now they had no idea where he was. They couldn’t find him. If they had something to give to Cáit, she could find him, but they didn’t have anything, nothing Cáit would want.

Laz took a long, shuddering breath as Thace rubbed her ears.

She should have gone with him. She should have known that another Paladin couldn’t watch over Keith the way she could.

But now she just had to lay in Keith’s bed, next to his lover and try not to cry as Thace comforted _her_. She should be comforting Thace - it was his lover that was taken away to places unknown, but instead Thace was turning to lay an arm across her back, fingers still rubbing her ears.

Laz wished her mind worked better for words. That she could eloquently tell Thace words of comfort, to make him feel better as they laid there in a bed that smelled strongly of Keith. Instead, all she could do was nuzzle him and try not to cry as her nose was overwhelmed by the smell of her failure.

  


* * *

  


Shiro’s arm clicked off as the last gladiator dropped. “End simulation,” he called out, feeling sweat drip down his face. It was about time he ended training. There wasn’t- much else he could do at this point. Any longer, and he was at risk at getting hurt.

Keith would yell at him if he let himself get hurt while training.

He took a deep breath at that thought, turning to leave. No, enough of that. He wasn’t- he wasn’t going to think about that right now. He wasn’t- they were going to find Keith. That was true. So he wasn’t going to think in terms of “if only Keith was here.” Keith was going to be back. He wasn’t gone forever.

The door to the training room opened suddenly, and Shiro halted as Lance walked in. “O-oh.” A flash of panic crossed Lance’s face before it smoothed over into a friendly smile. “Hey. Didn’t expect to see you down here.”

Shiro suddenly felt angry. It wasn’t that he had missed how Lance had described Jonas: exactly like himself. That meant that every time Lance saw Shiro... if he could go back to Earth right this second, Shiro would make Jonas very sorry he even spoke to Lance at all. “I’ve just finished up,” he assured Lance gently, not wanting him to think he wasn’t allowed here. Not after what Jonas had done to him. He wanted Lance to think that he was allowed everywhere.

Lance just grinned. “That’s cool. I- I mean, I-”

He was reminding Lance of Jonas. Shiro took a step back, trying to make himself seem less threatening. “The room is also yours to use as you wish,” he reminded Lance. “It’s not my room.”

Lance sighed, losing his smile. “I know. I’m just...” He looked away, his face falling into sad lines. “I just want Keith back.”

Oh. Shiro took a deep breath. “I do too,” he said quietly. He didn’t take a step towards Lance, not yet. Not until he was sure that Lance wasn’t flinching at the fact Shiro could heavily remind him of his abuser and Lance could have been walking into Shiro’s “territory” and felt like he would be punished for it. He wouldn’t ever do anything like that to Lance. He... he wouldn’t ever hurt Lance like that.

Never. He would never want to hurt Lance like that.

Lance closed his eyes. “We’re getting him back, right?” he asked quietly. “We’re... we’re getting him back? We have a lead?”

”We’re going to find one,” Shiro promised. He was going to find a lead or die trying. They needed Keith back. They... he needed Keith back.

It was his fault Keith was missing. If he had told Thace and Laz they would talk when he came back...

They were going to find Keith.

Lance nodded, crossing his arms. “Okay. Um... I don’t think I want the training room anymore. I think I... I’m going to go use that bathing room and soak for a bit.”

The last time Shiro had thought about that room was when Keith wanted to wash up and he didn’t want to leave Keith alone in a shower. And, he would admit, he wanted to give Keith something good. Something calming. After the abuse he had gone through with Zarkon, and his mind being twisted so much... he wanted Keith to have something good to hold onto. “Okay. Do you-” Shiro shut his mouth, realizing where he was going, his cheeks starting to burn slightly. That was inappropriate.

Lance blinked, his cheeks pinking slightly as well. “Nah, I’ll be fine,” he said casually. “See you later.”

Shiro watched Lance go, and took a deep breath. What possessed him to almost asked if Lance wanted him to go with him to the bathing room? Certainly, it was more like a bath house and could be taken in a nonsexual manner, but... it was a little inappropriate for him to ask like _that._

And that thought made him blink. What did that mean?

Shiro shook his head. Never mind. Just focus on getting Keith back.

Get him back.

They had to get Keith back.


	2. Chapter 2

It was... quite difficult to muster the energy to leave the room. Thace sat on the edge of the bed, holding the blanket to his face and breathing in Keith’s scent. It was the only thing still keeping him grounded to where he was. Only thing keeping him knowing he was safe, away from it all. His prison had smelled of blood and pain. This... smelled of Keith. And the memory of sex.

It smelled like something wonderful.

Damn it all. Talking to Shiro had been the wrong move. He had wanted someone to be able to watch Keith, someone able to be there when he couldn’t, someone able to see. To have someone tell Keith he was more than what he claimed. To... to have someone for him that was better for him than Thace.

But instead... instead, Keith had been taken. And it was easy to know who it was that had taken him. They were lying to themselves if no one claimed they knew Zarkon had wrapped his claws around Keith again, dragging him back in.

Thace felt his claws tear the blanket. He had tried so hard not to be Zarkon, so hard to not abuse Keith again, and it seemed it only allowed an opportunity for him to be taken right back to Zarkon. Thace grit his teeth, standing suddenly. What were the others doing? Why hadn’t they found Keith? It was too obvious he was back with Zarkon! He should have been hearing them talk of assaulting Zarkon’s base, to taking Keith back. But instead, there was nothing. What were they doing?

But... what could he do about it? Even when they finally encountered Zarkon, finally pulled Keith away... he was a broken soldier. If they came close, the best he could do was to stand next to Allura and listen, and hope that he could hear victory come. He would not be able to guide them without his eyesight.

Without Keith, for sure, there was little reason for him to leave the room.

Thace sat again, pulling the blanket in close. Grounding himself again. Reminding himself he was in a safe place, that he would not be hurt, tortured, killed...

When the door opened, he twitched despite himself. He was a Galra, he would show no sign- but he couldn’t help the slight panic, the anticipation that rough hands would be wrestling him to his feet-

”Thace?”

Shiro. He let out a soft breath, nodding. “Hello, Shiro.”

Thace heard Shiro stop in front of him, and he waited. Was... was Shiro truly here? Was he going mad, and imagining there was another there?

”I wanted to check on you,” he finally heard Shiro say. “We haven’t seen you recently.”

He wanted to laugh - _Laz_ saw him every day - but instead he shook his head. “Perhaps it’s only the timing of my excursions do not match when you are about.”

Shiro didn’t respond immediately, and Thace felt his ears twitch. He didn’t hear Shiro leaving, so he must still be standing there. But what was the look on his face? What was Shiro thinking? “We’ll get Keith back,” Shiro said softly. “I promise.”

Of course he would. They actually would be able to do what Thace could not.

And perhaps... when they got Keith back, Thace would... need to consider what his part in all of this would be. Could he truly give Keith what he needed? Or would he only be putting Keith in more danger?

He was a broken soldier no matter how it was looked at. It was simply a question now of was this mistake he had made, the one that caused his Keith to be taken by Zarkon, the reason for them to finally end his life?

It would perhaps be for the best if they did so.

He would no longer be able to hurt Keith this way if they did.

  


* * *

  


Keith would yell at him for training too long, Shiro thought blearily as he turned on his shower. But he needed to keep busy. Keep going, for the team.

Thace... God. Thace didn’t look good. But what could Shiro do about that? He... he didn’t know. He had never lost someone he loved like that. And Thace could do nothing about it. He couldn’t go out there and help them find Keith. He just had to... sit there.

They needed to help Thace, Shiro decided, tilting his head under the spray of water. He was isolating himself. He needed to know they would find Keith. That everything would be okay. They needed to keep him in the loop.

What loop was there, though? They didn’t have that many contacts. Laz could help a little, but they wanted payment. Payment none of them had. Shiro wished they could contact the Inni that had helped them before, Cáit, but Laz had shook her head when he mentioned it. She knew Cáit would want a payment they didn’t have.

Shiro took a deep breath as he washed his hair, letting the feeling of his fingers along his scalp calm him a bit. They would find something. They’d be able to find something: A new contact, some kind of payment to give the contacts they already have, something. They’d get Keith back.

But... the thought that everyone had no one wanted to voice was... what if he was with Zarkon?

It wasn’t a pleasant thought. They had seen what it was like for Keith to be in the hands of an obsessed evil overlord before. The first time, they had almost lost him as a Paladin, Zarkon’s words twisting him to the point he had nearly left them for good. The second time... Shiro wasn’t sure if Keith had even started to heal from what happened.

And now it was possible he had been taken back.

Shiro turned off the shower.

It didn’t escape his notice that his hands were shaking.

If he had been taken back, they’d find him. And rescue him. They’d get Keith back. Zarkon wasn’t going to keep Keith.

They were going to rescue Keith.

Shiro reached for a towel, realizing he had forgotten one. That was... he didn’t usually forget a towel. It didn’t matter much - it was just a small walk to grab one. Quickly, he dried off, getting dressed and going over to his bed.

... no, he couldn’t sleep. He had to plan, to figure out how to find Keith. And come up with ways to help Thace while they were looking for Keith. Thace was one of _his_ people now. He needed to help him.

He needed to help.

Shiro ran a hand through his wet hair, feeling the water run through his fingers and down his neck. The first step would most likely be... get Thace out of his room. Keep him informed as to what was going on so that when anything changed, he would know. And of course, have him be the first to know when they found Keith. He needed to know it.

It was a start.


	3. Chapter 3

The scrap of purple fabric burned in Lance’s pocket. It wasn’t the right hue, he knew that, but... it was purple. That had to count for something. If they found someone like Cáit, they would have to react to it being purple, right? Lance reached down as he walked towards the dining room, grasping the scrap tightly. This would bring them directly to Keith.

He grinned as he entered the dining room, shoving his thoughts into the back of his brain as he looked around. The smile slowly fell as he saw no one there... he must have been the first one there for dinner. Hunk probably was close by, though, so... Lance went over to the goo dispenser, keeping his face clear of any worrying thoughts.

They’d find Keith.

Everything would be okay.

But when Shiro entered, he couldn’t help but tense up. Shiro would have all the reason in the entire universe to toss him up against a wall and strangle him with that Galra hand. Every time he saw Shiro, he heard the soft whisper behind him and when he turned, he couldn’t see Keith-

Lance grinned.

”Yo. What’s up?”

He could see Shiro turning wary. Of course he would be. Lance was a failure. He had been given one job and not only had he failed it, he had lost Keith doing it. And Shiro wasn’t telling them where Keith had gone, but it was obvious: Zarkon had found him. The bastard was obsessed with him. He had killed everyone in a space mall to get to him. But where _Zarkon_ was, and how to get in there and get Keith back without it being suicide...

Shiro got his own food, sitting down near Lance. “How are you doing?” he asked, his voice forced casual.

Lance shrugged. “Could be better. I mean...” He shrugged again.

”I know what you mean,” Shiro said quietly. “We’ll get Keith back. I promise.”

It didn’t mean Shiro wouldn’t punish him for it. He had told Lance to keep an eye on him. Told Lance to make sure Keith would be okay and he just- he didn’t _pay attention._ So many things he could have done like maybe had Keith in front of him or right beside him and instead he just didn’t-

That whisper of sound-

”I know,” Lance said quietly.

Shiro opened his mouth, closing it when Hunk came in. “Oh!” Hunk said, blinking. “Wow, you guys are here before me. Are Thace and Laz going to join us today?”

”I asked Laz,” Shiro told him. “She would ask Thace, but if he wouldn’t come, they would stay in his room. At least... I think that’s what she said.”

Laz had been getting easier to understand, but she seemed to have lost how to phrase things now that Keith-

Lance took a bite of goo.

He could hear the whisper behind him, and when he turned, Keith was gone.

Keith was...

Gone.

  


* * *

  


Lance wouldn’t stop _flinching_ around him. What was he doing? Why... Shiro grit his teeth, clicking his hand off as the gladiator fell. He was trying not to make himself look threatening. But no matter how supportive he tried to make himself, Lance just... flinched.

He wasn’t-

Shiro ran his human hand through his hair, breathing raggedly. What could he do? Nothing he was doing helped any of them. He talked to Laz, but he couldn’t convince her, or Thace, to come to dinner. Lance still considered him a threat. And he couldn’t find Keith. Couldn’t help Keith.

He couldn’t stop _failing_ his team.

Another gladiator came close and he dodged, surprised. But he hadn’t called out- “End simulation.” He had forgotten to end the simulation. Damn it. Shiro shook his head as he left. He wasn’t usually bad about that. He usually remembered to end training when he was done. But this time...

Not only was he failing his team, he was failing himself. He couldn’t stop being...

If he could just get Keith back, everything would work out. That was all he had to do. Get Keith. Once he got Keith back, Thace and Laz would feel better. Lance would perk up. He needed to get Keith.

But to do so... how? They needed to find him first. Where was he? How could they find him at all?

Shiro turned towards Keith’s room. He needed to talk to Laz again. She would know. She knew about Cáit. Laz had to know if they had something. _Anything._ They had to find Keith somehow, and he would take just about anything at this point.

Laz was coming back to the room with Thace as he came up. Her ears perked up as she saw him, slowly coming to a stop. “Shiro.”

The fact Thace’s hand twitched on Laz’s back didn’t escape Shiro’s notice. “Hello, Shiro,” Thace said pleasantly. “What brings you this way?”

”I need to speak with Laz.” He looked at her. “I just need to know... your contacts in the resistance. Any of them. Do you have any leads or know anyone that Cáit may have known?”

Her body drooped, and Thace started stroking her fur, having felt it under his hand. “No,” she whispered. “Not... not. Never. Knew Cáit. Never... never.”

Shiro swallowed. Damn it. He didn’t... he never wanted to make her feel like this. He just wanted to know if she knew anything. And now he made her distressed again and he couldn’t understand what she was trying to say. “Laz...”

She looked away. “Sorry.”

Thace continued to stroke her back. Shiro didn’t... he just didn’t... he couldn’t say anything to make this better. The only thing he could do was to bring Keith back, and asking Laz was him trying to. And it just... made everything worse.

”I should be the one saying sorry,” Shiro told her kindly. He looked up at Thace. “I’ll get him back,” he promised them. “I’ll do anything it’ll take. I’ll get Keith back.”

Anything to get him back.

Shiro felt his Galra hand clench. He would kill Zarkon himself to keep Keith from his claws if he had to. He just...

They needed Keith back.

Laz cleared her throat. “Need... room,” she told him.

”Oh.” Shiro moved out of the way, letting them enter their room. Where Keith was not. Where Keith should be.

He was going to get Keith back no matter what it took.


	4. Chapter 4

She couldn’t think.

She couldn’t _think._

When Mia had died, it was like this. Her mind had run into walls, unable to reroute in time. And now, with Keith gone... Laz closed her eyes tightly, lowering her head to the ground as she heard people talking around her. She couldn’t make any of it out... it was just human _sound._ A hand touched her back, and it had to be Thace, but she couldn’t tell-

Laz bit back a whine. There was just too much. It had been all her fault and now there was too much going on. Everyone talked too much, moved too much, touched her too much... it hadn’t been like this when Keith was here, but she hadn’t been an utter failure when he was here. He had made her into something good. Tried to help her regain her body, reform her mind. And it had started to work, and now he was gone.

The hand on her back stroked her fur and she did whine. She could hear her name spoken, a question, but she couldn’t answer. She was just... a failure in every way. Mia would be... she would be so disappointed in her. Not only had Laz let Mia die, but she had let Keith get captured again, when she could have stopped it...

Everything went quiet, and after a while, Laz lifted her head, blinking. Why was everything quiet?

Only Shiro remained. Not even Thace. Had... Thace gone by himself? Was she that much of a failure that he didn’t even wish to have her company anymore? Laz whined, lowering her head again.

But she didn’t hear Shiro get up. She looked up at him, then sat up slowly, her eyes burning with tears. “Where?”

”They’re giving you space,” he told her gently. “You looked like you were getting overstimulated. Is everything okay? This is the first time we’ve seen that.”

It had been. They’d never seen it before, when Mia had been killed, and she knew it had been her fault. How she couldn’t deal with anything, and she pulled away. Cáit had been the only one to continue to reach out to her, and... she had brought Keith with her.

Who had taken her to these people.

Laz took a deep breath.

They cared about her. Shiro was asking if she was okay. But she... she wasn’t. She wanted Keith back. She wanted _Mia_ back. Laz closed her eyes, feeling her next breath shudder in her chest. She wanted _herself_ back. If she had been herself, she would have known to go with Keith. And then she would have been able to save him, and everything would be okay. Mia would be alive, Keith would be here, and everything would be okay.

Laz didn’t know when she started crying until she felt herself sob. She would do anything to get Keith back now. It didn’t matter now. If it meant being where Keith was instead of Keith, she would trade places instantly. She would do it. Just to bring him back.

”Not,” she whispered. “Not okay. Lose... lose everyone... Lose all I...”

Slowly, Shiro came closer. He reached out, his hand hovering over her head as he looked at her, a question in his eyes. When she didn’t make any sort of negative gesture, he placed it between her ears, gentle and cautious. “We’ll get him back,” he told her. “I promise. We’ll do it.”

”Need to help.” Laz took a deep breath, then sobbed, a fresh wave of tears overtaking her. “Need help but can’t. Can’t help. Don’t- can’t-”

”Hey.” Shiro stroked her head. “You’re doing what you can. It’s okay.”

”Don’t- need _Cáit_! But nothing- have-”

”Laz. You’re doing what you can and that’s all we can ask for.” Shiro ran a thumb over her ears. “It’s okay. You’re doing okay.”

No, she wasn’t. She needed...

She needed the people she loved back.

  


* * *

  


Laz was crying and Shiro had no idea what to do.

He had seen her tensing, heard her whining, and sent everyone away. Something inside of her was making her overstimulated, and he had a feeling it had to do with the fact Keith was not there. But... he realized he didn’t know _anything_ about her past other than it was obvious she had been a soldier. And the way she was reacting... who had she lost?

Had she lost... a lover?

Had she lost, God forbid, a child?

There was no way to ask her. Not now, with how she was taking everything. But... Shiro rubbed her ears, biting back an annoyed noise. He needed to help her. She had been relying on Keith so much... he had seen her almost codependent on him. And now with what happened, he wanted to help her, ease her mind-

But there was nothing he could do.

Shiro’s hand started to shake on her head, and he pulled it back as he took a deep breath. “We’ll get him back,” he promised. “We’ll find some way to get him back.”

Laz whined, sobbing slightly, making his heart wrench. He didn’t know what he could do for her. He just... he needed to help her. He-

Shiro found himself holding his breath and forced himself to breath slowly. No. He- he was going to be okay. It was going to be okay. He was going to save Keith and everything was going to be okay. He was going to help Laz. Help Thace. Help...

Everyone.

He was going to do this. Everything was going to be okay.

”Would you like for me to walk you back to your room?” he asked gently.

Laz sat there for a moment, then nodded, miserable. Slowly, she stood, and Shiro moved a little bit away from her, still staying close enough to her to be there for her. Together, they walked back to the room, quiet. When they reached her room, Shiro turned to her. “Do you want me to stay with you?”

”No.” Her voice was quiet. “Thace. Here.”

Shiro nodded, feeling his chest tighten slightly at the words. She didn’t need- “Okay.”

He was going to get Keith back. He...

He had to...

He had to-

Shiro took a deep breath as Laz entered the room, and turned for the training room. He was going to go work out. Keep his body busy.

He’d make everything right. Everything was going to be right.

He’d-

He’d do it.


	5. Chapter 5

Another supply run. Strangely enough, Thace thought he heard one of the Paladins say it had to do with _clothing._ But he supposed after all this time away from their home that their clothes may have required a bit of mending. It was strange the Princess didn’t have any clothes for them, but perhaps Altean clothing was not suitable for humans. He didn’t know how Alteans looked in comparison to humans, so he was not aware if their clothing would fit. It very well may not fit.

It rankled him often how he couldn’t see, but at times... at times, it hit him harder than it should. He didn’t know how the Princess looked. A part of him started to realize how Keith had felt back when he had first met him, how he couldn’t quite trust Princess Allura. He didn’t have the same distrust based on lies constantly fed to him, but the fact he couldn’t see her face made him bristle. How could he know if she was being completely truthful, or hiding something to save her Paladins grief? At the same time, if she was hiding something, was it something they should know? Would she know something that could help them get Keith back, at a terrible price?

Thace would pay. Whatever price it may be, he would pay it. If the Princess knew something and hid it for the price, he would offer up his life if it meant Keith would return to the Castle.

He felt Laz next to him, standing up only to sit back down. She shifted on her paws, and he rested a hand between her shoulders. “Is something the matter, Laz?”

”Go,” she muttered. “Not alone. Not them. Go with.”

Thace gently stroked her back, quiet. It was his fault she didn’t go with him. He had insisted. “I’ll be fine here. Go.”

He felt her twist under his hand, looking up at him. “No! You-” She whined, nudging his hand. “You- I-”

Carefully, Thace knelt, reaching out until he found her face. Gently, he patted until he found her ears, stroking them back. “Laz. You have been upset since Keith has been lost. Go. Go, and be assured no more will be taken. I will stay here and speak with the Princess and her advisor.”

She whined, shaking her head. “You... you need... me too. Need you.”

Thace grew quiet at that. He wasn’t... truly sure how to take that. “What do you mean?” he finally asked, his voice quiet.

Laz shuffled in closer, nudging his shoulder. “Lost Keith,” she whispered. “You...” With a deep breath, she rested her head on his shoulder. “You lost Keith,” she finally said, each word carefully chosen. “You need... someone.”

Thace sighed, stroking her back. “And you, Laz, do not need to put me over yourself. You will be worrying that they will not return if you do not go.”

Laz did not answer, and Thace couldn’t imagine how she looked. He had no idea if she was thinking over what he had said, or had an angry look on her face, or a sad one. But he waited for her to answer, letting her pull back when she did. “Go,” she finally said quietly. “Need... need to.”

He nodded, stroking her head. “Be well, Laz.”

When she pulled completely away from his touch, he stood. He would be alone... but he would be fine. As he always reminded himself, he was among allies. The Princess and her advisor were his allies. He would not be returning to the torture of before. He would be fine.

If only he could see. He would be able to find his contacts. He couldn’t _tell_ the Princess where they were as it took a certain symbol and shade of purple to signify himself to others he was sympathetic to their cause. They may have the fabric the correct shade, considering Laz’s past as resistance, but he knew they would not have the symbol. And it took both of them for his contacts not to attack a Galra.

If only he could see.

Then none of this would have happened.

  


* * *

  


This was so stupid.

Lance gripped the purple fabric in his hand as he broke away from the group.

This was _so goddamn stupid._

But... he had just seen what looked like that right shade of purple. If he followed it... He had his helmet on. He had his bayard. If anything happened to him, then he could take care of himself. The part of him that screamed that _Keith_ had his helmet on when he was taken was instantly ignored as Lance followed the purple color. Just keep going. It had to be what they were looking for. It had to be.

A hand grabbed his arm without warning, shoving him up against a wall. And at that moment was when Lance realized... things were a little quiet around him. Too quiet. Too... empty.

His heart pounded in his chest.

He had been led away from the group. He was going to be taken too and he- he had been so stupid-

”Yo... hey...”

”Why are you following me?” The gruff and annoyed voice coming out behind the white skull mask matched perfectly. And oh, he could see long black fangs under that mask, white fur everywhere... “I should eat you for that.”

”Please don’t eat me,” Lance whimpered. It had a purple scarf around its throat... was he wrong? Was it the wrong shade of purple? Lance fumbled with the fabric in his hand, holding it out. “I-I’m looking for someone?”

The alien looked at the fabric, then back at Lance, glittering black eyes piercing and thoughtful. “Is that supposed to mean anything to me?”

Oh God.

He was going to be eaten and it was all his fault.

”I-it’s like your scarf! I mean, not exactly, but it’s close enough, right? It... it counts?”

He could see the black eyes narrow behind the mask. Then, slowly, the alien released him, taking the fabric from him. “Return to your group, and never try this again. Or next time, one of us really will eat you.”

”Wait, no-” Lance held out a hand. “I’m a Paladin of Voltron! I need your help!”

That made the alien stop, and really look at him, at his armor. Slowly, it tilted its head, thinking. “Never try this again,” it finally said. “Matia’s Bar doesn’t like cleaning up messes.”

And then it turned to leave, making Lance blink. What did that mean? Matia’s Bar? They weren’t anywhere near a bar. They-

”Lance!” Shiro’s frantic voice sounded over his helmet. “Come in, Lance!”

”I’m here. Guys, do you know anything about Matia’s Bar?”

  


* * *

  


When Shiro had turned and Lance was missing, he nearly felt his heart die right there. Lance was missing. _Lance was missing._ He couldn’t- He didn’t- He-

But when Lance came in over the com link, asking about a bar-

Shiro turned to Laz and asked her, confused. She shook her head, equally confused. “Whatever it is, you and Hunk need to go back to the Castle,” he told them. “Especially you now, Lance. Laz and I will check it out.”

”Understood,” Lance said quietly.

Matia’s Bar.

What did Lance do to find that lead?


	6. Chapter 6

Strangely, Matia’s Bar did not appear to serve alcohol. It... appeared to be a coffee house. Or at least whatever it was that was the coffee equivalent they drank. Shiro looked at Laz while she glanced up at him, the confusion he felt mirroring on her face. With a sigh, he went to the counter, then jolted. Around the barista’s neck was a purple scarf, knotted into a beautiful bow. He looked over at Laz, seeing her eyes narrow at the scarf. She walked over, awkwardly standing on her hind legs so she could be seen. “Go find seat,” she told him, nudging his arm.

He looked down at her, nodding. She was the one who had worked with the resistance before. She knew what to do, what to say. With everything that had gone on, Shiro... he didn’t... Shiro took a deep breath and went to an empty booth, waiting. It didn’t take long for Laz to come over, climbing into the booth across from him. “How are things going?” Shiro asked her quietly.

”Got drinks,” she told him. “Wait.”

Wait. He nodded as a server came by, setting two steaming mugs in front of them. Shiro wrapped his human hand around the mug, enjoying the heat coming off of it. He pulled it to his nose, inhaling the light scent. It was almost floral in some way, nice and calming. Laz was wrapped her hands around the mug as well, a small smile on her face.

After around half an hour, Laz lifted her head from her mug. She nodded at Shiro and climbed out of the booth. He followed her, eyes sweeping around as he did so. It didn’t seem dangerous around here... it was just a coffee house.

Laz stopped in front of a door, knocking. After a moment, she entered, Shiro following. There was no one inside, though, and he relaxed slightly after the door closed. “Are you sure this is the right room?” he asked, turning to her.

She nodded. “Wait. Don’t have... don’t have fabric. Hard to tell we’re friendly. But...” Laz looked over at the door. “Someone’s coming.”

Shiro frowned. “Are you sure then that we aren’t being led into a trap?”

Laz narrowed her eyes. “Sure.”

It was nice to know someone was sure about it. Shiro took a deep breath as he went over to the window, standing off to the side and looking out. Carefully, he drew the blinds, something about the inside seeing in making the spot between his shoulders itch. If Laz was wrong and they were being led into a trap, then he didn’t want any snipers to be able to get a solid bead on them.

Shiro felt Laz nuzzle his hand. “I’m okay,” he told her. “I’m just... after what happened to Keith, it’s hard to feel safe about anything about this. I don’t know if we’re being lead into a trap or not.”

He heard her sigh as she turned away. “Yeah,” Laz said quietly. “Still.”

Still.

He understood. They still had to hope for anything. Shiro had failed Keith so much already, and he would take anything to get him back. What it would take... Shiro looked at the door. He just needed Keith back. He needed everything back.

There was the sound of someone moving outside of the door and the both of them tensed. What was there? But no one entered, and the two of them relaxed ever so slightly. Shiro looked over at Laz, watching her start pacing. Then, she looked up, tensing again as someone walked by.

Only this time, the door opened.

Shiro couldn’t stop Laz as she leapt, her teeth snapping at the Galra soldier’s throat. Surprised, the soldier fell backwards, his arm coming between her teeth and his throat. Blood splashed onto the floor as her fangs sliced through the gaps in his armor, through his fur. Shiro felt his arm activate as the soldier grabbed Laz by the throat, choking her instantly. He rushed forward, reaching for the soldier’s head before he noticed at the soldier’s side was a knife, and it was tied off with a purple fabric-

Instead, he grabbed the hand choking Laz, forcing it to open and pulling Laz free. Shiro pushed her behind him as she coughed, gasping for breath. “Who are you?” Shiro asked, his voice wary as he held Laz behind him, his arm still glowing.

”I should ask the same for you,” the Galra asked, narrowing his eyes. His nearly furless face was covered in blood now, his arm bleeding freely. His gaze fell on Laz, and he frowned. “You, Inni. Who are you?” When Laz just growled at him, he started reaching for his knife, making both of them bristle. “Hold on, Inni. You know what this is.” And he pulled it free, showing her.

Laz made a confused noise at the symbol and the fabric. “You-?”

”My loyalty hasn’t been with the Galra empire in a long time,” he rumbled. “I had been told there were members of the resistance that needed to meet with me. I hadn’t expected to see a Paladin of Voltron and an Inni.”

Shiro narrowed his eyes, but clicked his arm off in a show of good faith. Turning it back on would take no time at all if it was needed. “And?”

The Galra put away his knife, looking at his arm. Then, he looked up at them. “My loyalty lies with Thace. The Paladins of Voltron rescued him. I will help you as I can.”

Thace. Shiro’s hand clenched, remembering Thace back on the Castle, waiting for his lover to return. “We need help,” he said quietly. “One of ours was taken, and we can’t find him.”

The Galra stood slowly, holding his arm to his chest. “And how do you expect me to help you? My contacts have been severely reduced since helping you rescue Thace. I think asking a runner would help you more.”

Laz shook her head. “Think... he’s with Zarkon.”

That made the Galra stiffen, then look away.

Something about that... “You knew.” Shiro’s tone was flat. “You saw it happen.”

”Yes.” He looked at them again. “For a reason. Prince Lotor requested it of me.”

The words made Laz growl again. Lotor? Who was Lotor? Prince? “What did you do?” Shiro asked him, keeping a solid grasp on Laz.

”I delivered the instrument of Zarkon’s death to the Emperor’s chambers.”


	7. Chapter 7

Laz growled next to him at the Galra’s words and Shiro didn’t blame her. “Explain.” His voice was low, almost a growl itself as Shiro reached out, grabbed the Galra by the collar.

To the Galra’s credit, it looked unimpressed. “Thace’s goal was to bring down Emperor Zarkon. I own my loyalty to Thace for all that he’s done for me. Thus, my goal as well is to kill Zarkon. I will do what it takes to do this. And Prince Lotor’s idea, to use his pet against him, the best plan I’ve heard.”

”Keith had been heavily abused by Zarkon.” Shiro did growl here. “And you delivered him right back to his abuser’s hands.”

”It doesn’t matter,” the Galra told him. “You haven’t been a part of this empire. There is a mindset built around what he preaches, and it kills those such as myself. Thace saved my life, and I will do anything to repay that. If that includes sacrificing one of you, I will do so.”

Laz dashed forward at that, snapping at his throat. Shiro just barely managed to hold her back before her fangs sliced through the Galra’s fur. But oh, was it tempting. This Galra was going to get Keith _killed_ for this, for what? Just for the possibility that he might be able to kill Zarkon? “And if he can’t do it?” Shiro asked, his voice low. “He was _abused._ There’s the possibility he might not even be able to think about doing that.”

At least the Galra looked chagrined at that. “I hadn’t-”

”Of course,” Laz snapped out. “Keith with Zarkon now?”

Slowly, the Galra nodded. “He should be working with Pa- the druid Prince Lotor has on his side. With her help, he... should be able to complete this goal.” But he didn’t sound very sure of this anymore.

Laz snorted, and Shiro could feel her tensing against his arm. “And what happens to him once he’s done with that?” he asked him.

The Galra hesitated here. “I- don’t know. I would think Pala and Prince Lotor would assist in getting him off-” He broke off, looking away. “No, I don’t know for certain that would happen. I don’t know what would happen.”

Laz snarled. “You-”

”I hadn’t- this is what is best for the Galra empire! The Galra empire needs him dead. And... I am certain things should turn out well for you as well. It must. Prince Lotor would never...” The Galra shook his head. “It has to work out,” he whispered.

It was starting to get to the point that Shiro felt bad for the Galra. He felt this was the best path, and seeing that maybe he might have done the wrong thing... “Is there any way we can get him out of there?” Shiro asked, his hand tightening on the Galra.

The Galra narrowed his eyes. “You would need someone with more contacts than I do. I can pass on the request.”

Slowly, Shiro let him go. “Do it,” he instructed. “We need him back.”

”I- I understand.” The Galra took a deep breath. “I will do what I can.”

He could tell it was difficult for Laz to let him go. But when he was gone, Shiro turned to her, noting how she still growled with each breath, blood staining her muzzle. “We’re getting Keith back,” he told her, his voice gentle. “We’re going to get him back.”

”With Zarkon,” she snapped out. “With... not...” She shook her head.

”I know.” Shiro sighed, looked at the door. “But he’s coming back. We’ll get him back soon.”

Laz just stopped talking, still growling slightly. Shiro searched the room to find a bit of cloth, wiping off her muzzle before they left, heading back to the Castle so they could tell the rest of the group the news.

  


* * *

  


They would need to pay a price. And Laz didn’t know what it would be and if they could pay it.

That Galra... as soon as she had seen him, everything in her had focused down to ‘attack.’ Even though they had been waiting for a contact, every part of her had told her this was an enemy, and attack. And after what happened, what he told her. Laz closed her eyes as she rested her head on the floor, trying to ignore everyone around her. It wasn’t really a bad idea. Get someone who they knew could be close to Zarkon in with the intent of killing Zarkon. It could work.

Except... it was _Keith._ She had seen what it was like before. How he had been after he had escaped the first time, how he had been after they rescued him the second time. Keith couldn’t go back a third time. If he did... Laz bit back a whine. She didn’t know if Keith would be able to survive it. If Zarkon would let Keith survive it.

Slowly, she stood, walking away. She needed to be alone.

Who the contact would be... it was pretty obvious. Laz shivered. Not a bad choice, but... they had _nothing._ What could they give? More food? Not unless that was actually needed at that point, which was rare. They had no information, no new contacts. What...

Laz sighed as a thought occurred to her. She could do that. That was one last thing they had as payment. She didn’t want to use it, though. It was...

She shook her head. That didn’t matter. If it meant that they got Keith back, she’d pay that price. It was a small price to pay, anyway. But she’d have to keep it quiet. If anyone knew, they’d talk her out of it. And they didn’t need to do that.

But if it meant that Keith would come back...

She’d have to get everything together for that price.

  


* * *

  


Thace couldn’t sleep. Not after what he had heard.

Keith was with Zarkon. Taken by someone he had helped to kill Zarkon.

He could only imagine how the others looked at him, the disgust at how the people that idolized him acted. And he understood. It was disgusting, what was done in his name.

If he wasn’t there any longer, then his actions could no longer be taken out of context. Then Keith could return, and be safe. Be... completely safe.

Thace rested his hand on his chest.

They needed Keith back.

And hopefully it would be soon.


	8. Chapter 8

They were getting Keith back. At some point in the future, yeah, but his red ass was getting back to the Castle.

Lance couldn’t get him back fast enough.

God. After everything that had happened... he had been _kidnapped_ and given back to Zarkon so that he could kill Zarkon. Which... sounded fishy, yeah. He was probably told to do it when he was being transported or else he’d die. There was... there was no way he’d _agree_ to it otherwise. Lance shivered, tracing the scars on one arm absently. He’d never agree to go back to Zarkon. Keith wasn’t that dumb.

But... Lance pulled his arm out from his sleeve, looking over at Shiro. Ever since he had heard what happened, he had gone so quiet... he knew Shiro wouldn’t hurt him. But it was so hard to not feel nervous around him when he could see his hands shaking when they weren’t crossed at his chest.

Which just made him a fucking idiot. He knew Shiro had to be taking this hard. Keith was practically a brother to him. And this made the third time he had lost someone on his team to Zarkon. He _knew_ Shiro had to be hurting. It was just... God. Lance looked away. Of all the things for his own past to fuck with him on. He wanted to go over there and tell him that it’d be okay, they’d get Keith back, just so Shiro wouldn’t look so- But then a little part of him reminded him that the last time he cared for a guy this much, the guy mutilated his arms and tried to kill him. He knew Shiro wouldn’t do any of that. Shiro cared for his team. Just...

Even thinking about it made Lance’s throat tighten a bit.

He needed to leave. He needed-

Something silver shifted in the corner of his eye, and he looked over to see Laz curling up tighter. His chest squeezed at the sight of her, curled up on the floor, without anyone touching her. Thace was standing nearby, but he couldn’t see her eyes shutting tightly. He couldn’t see how her face was twisted in pain. Lance came over to her, and squatted beside her. “Hey,” he whispered.

”Go away.”

Okay then. He stood back up, stepping backwards as he saw Thace’s hands twitch as if looking for a weapon. Damn it. He forgot about that. He had seen Thace subtly searching for a weapon when he forgot where everyone was. Lance grinned, even though Thace couldn’t see it. It would come across in his tone. “Hey, Thace. Just me.”

That made Thace relax, his hands going back to his sides. “I would have thought you would know better than that,” he told him, his voice deadly serious. “This is not the time to be skulking about, and to whisper around me.”

”I just wanted to make sure Laz was okay,” he assured him. “Same with you. We’ve got a lead on your boyfriend! We’re going to get him back.”

That made Thace hesitate. “Yes,” he finally said.

Something in that made Lance stop, and look. Slowly, he reached out, taking Thace’s arm. “Come on. We need to talk.”

Thace didn’t resist when Lance dragged him away. In fact, he seemed... resigned. Almost steeling himself for something. But all Lance did was take him to the rec room, carefully sitting him down. “What is it that you wished to talk about?” Thace asked, resting his hands on his knees.

”Whatever’s bothering you,” Lance said simply.

He didn’t answer at first. “And why is it that you care?” Thace finally asked, his voice quiet.

”Uh, because you’re Keith’s boyfriend? And since we’re one big loving Paladin family, we love you too?” Lance waved his arms, then dropped them, remembering Thace couldn’t see it. “We care about you too.”

”It is n-”

”Ah ah ah!” Lance put his hands on his hips. “Don’t you dare say it’s nothing. What is it?”

Thace didn’t answer for a moment, then, quietly, “Shiro and Laz spoke with one of the soldiers whose lives I saved from the brutality of Galra life. Weakness such as... well, blindness, would be dealt with by killing the Galra in question. I had taken a few that had a weakness such as agoraphobia, and helped them through it so they could join as a soldier. And I know of at least one that dedicated their lives to helping me. The one Shiro and Laz spoke to...” Here, Thace went quiet. When Lance opened his mouth to say something, Thace shook his head. “How could my words have been twisted so much?” he whispered. “How could someone I helped think kidnapping a Paladin and delivering him back to Zarkon would be for the best?”

Oh. Lance sat down next to him. “Thace...”

With a sigh, Thace rubbed his face. “There is not much I can do in this state. All I can do is... wait.”

”Keith’s going to be so happy to see you when he gets back,” Lance told him. “So waiting’s a good thing. You’re going to be here for him so he has someone he loves waiting for him.”

”He would have a Castle filled with people who love him.” Thace’s voice was... odd. “Yourself, for one.”

”If you’re going to say ‘then why would I be needed,’ I’m going to stop you right there. My love for him is like... platonic. He’s going to need someone like you. Someone who actually cares like... lovingly about him.”

Thace’s hands clenched on his knees. “I haven’t been the best for him,” he growled. “I cannot _see_ , Lance. Not only that, but I cannot help him when he spirals out of control. He keeps-”

”You’ve been the best thing out here,” Lance told him. “Thace, man. You helped him get back to himself. No one here could help him. We all tried, but it didn’t work. You were the only one that could do it. You’re the best for him.”

”I cannot save him from himself-”

”You can ask for help! In fact...” Lance sighed. “You don’t ask for help _enough_ , man. I know you’re Galra and all, but you... you know it’s okay to like... ask us to help you workout or something so you _can_? Or to ask us to sit down and listen to you talk? Or... I don’t know, just something! Like Keith, just talk to us!”

Thace went quiet at that, then shook his head. “I should not be alive, Lance,” he said quietly. “In Galra society, my blindness alone would end my life. I believe Shiro called it PTSD... it can be a matter of life for Galra, but the severity I have it and how I cannot sometimes remember I am among allies... The Galra would have ended my life.”

”Would you have ended your life?” Lance asked, his voice gentle. “If you were looking at you?”

The words were almost nonsense, but it seemed like Thace understood what he meant. If Thace had been someone other than himself, a cadet he had seen. Would Thace kill that cadet with those exact same problems. Slowly, he shook his head. “I would not,” Thace whispered. “I would help.” He took a deep breath. “Heh. Then I suppose that’s reason enough, isn’t it? If I were another, I would do what I could do keep myself alive.”

Lance smiled a little. “Yeah.”

Thace sighed. “It’s a bit difficult to consider, but if I frame it like that... well, I suppose it could be worked in that way. But Keith...”

”We’ll get Keith back,” Lance promised. “And then we’ll help him. All of us on this ship, with you.”

After a moment, Thace nodded. “Thank you.” He tilted his head, obviously listening. “Where is Laz?”

”She didn’t come with us. You want to find her?” At Thace’s nod, he helped him get up. He wanted to make sure Laz was okay too. But when they got back to the bridge, Laz was missing. “She’s not here,” Lance told Thace, confused. “Think she’s back at the room?”

”Perhaps.” Thace’s voice was thoughtful. “Or with Shiro. Is he here?”

Lance looked around, not seeing him. “No. She’s probably with him, then. You want to go back to your room?”

”I would, yes.”

”Then let’s go.” Lance let him down the hall to his room in silence. He just couldn’t think of anything to say now. And when he got to the room, Thace entering- “I’ll make sure he gets a lot of time alone with you.”

Thace stopped, and he was certain he was smiling at that. “Thank you. I hope your own romantic endeavors with Shiro go just as well.”

Lance felt his heart stop as the door closed.

_Oh shit they knew._


	9. Chapter 9

Shiro lowered himself to the ground, then pushed back up, grunting. The sound echoed through his room, trying to drown out the memory of Laz’s words. What she had said... He grunted again, pushing himself off the floor. Everything was just unraveling around him and he couldn’t stop it he just couldn’t-

No. It might not have to happen. He had to hold onto that. Everything would be okay.

Shiro sat down on the floor, sighing. The Galra was going to get in touch with his contacts, and soon they were going to know how to get Keith back. It hurt to know that he had been taken back to Zarkon by someone who wanted Zarkon dead, but... it didn’t matter now. They were getting Keith back.

Just...

He took a deep breath, feeling it shake in his chest. Everything that had happened... the first time they lost Keith, it felt like they had abandoned him. And then Keith had sacrificed himself just so Thace could make it out of there alive. Now, because Shiro had made the wrong decision, Keith was taken again... Nothing Shiro could do could save Keith, and-

God. Shiro wiped his face, realizing tears stained his skin. Things just kept getting worse. The only thing that could make it better would be if Keith actually managed to pull off killing Zarkon. He wouldn’t be able to be taken back to him then, and Zarkon’s empire would start to fall. And they could start working on helping Keith.

But that wouldn’t keep Keith from actually having any of that PTSD. He’d still... Shiro took a deep breath, threading his human hand through his hair. God, what would have Zarkon done to him this time? He was obsessed with Keith. What would he have done to him this time? What kind of torture would he have gone through?

A horrible thought occurred to Shiro. How long had it been since they had lost Keith this time? How many days had passed since... quickly, he stood, going over to a panel and pulling up a calendar. When he ran through the days, he felt his breath stop. It had to be... at least a month. A month of searching contacts, of realizing they had nothing of value to trade them, of...

Of Keith being in his grasp...

A crack made his head jerk up. What- oh. It was his Galra hand, balled into a fist and slammed into the wall. He hadn’t even noticed he had punched the wall.

He hadn’t noticed a lot of things.

Shiro swallowed, lowering his arm and looking at the cracked mess left behind. He should let Allura know that needed to be fixed. There were a lot of things he needed to do- he needed to get ready for when the Galra’s contact actually found something. He needed to talk Laz out of what she wanted to do. He-

God.

He had so much to do and he didn’t know if he could do any of it. He couldn’t do a simple thing like keep his team safe.

It was time to go down to the training room. He needed to put his body through some actual training and stop thinking. Just... stop thinking. For a little bit.

  


* * *

  


The things she did...

Cáit sighed, settling back on her hind legs. No matter what happened, it worked. She got what she needed. That was probably the last time she was going to be able to use that druid as well. Hopefully the Paladin was going to do his goddamn job before the others found him.

Now, what should she ask for... this didn’t come cheap. There was a distinct possibility she might still be caught after all of that. She didn’t know for certain the druid wouldn’t still rat her out. There was just something about her... she wasn’t sure the druid was actually part of the resistance or was just using them for her own goals.

She would need something from Voltron to cover her tracks. That was what she would bargain for.

With that thought in mind, Cáit opened a channel to the Castle, settling a pleasant look on her face. They would react better to her if she looked open and relaxed. “Hello again,” she said as the channel opened.

”Is that the Inni we dealt with again?” The Blue Paladin leaned in, squinting.

Oh boy. “You needed a contact onto Zarkon’s ship. I have the most contacts.”

It was always a little strange not to see wariness or outright hostility on her contacts’ faces. The remaining Paladins of Voltron almost looked _relieved._ Well, she did suppose she had helped them quite a bit. And they hadn’t realized when she had used them. She watched the Black Paladin step forward slightly. “What have you learned?”

”Quite a bit. And I can tell you everything, for a price.” Cáit let the words hang in the air as she tilted her head. Let them decide what the price was.

When they all looked concerned, she felt like frowning. Did they not have anything to give her? She wasn’t _completely_ against helping them for less than what the information was worth, considering what they were doing, but she needed _something_.

Her eyes were drawn to movement by the Black Paladin’s side- Laz. She was moving to the front, making everyone shift away from her in confusion. And Cáit understood that- what was she doing? Laz didn’t have anything to give her. She knew Laz wasn’t an information runner, and if they didn’t have anything to give her, Laz didn’t either. What was she doing?

”Have one thing,” Laz said quietly, and here Cáit did frown. What was she saying?

”Laz, no,” the Black Paladin (Shiro, her mind whispered) pleaded.

The words were ignored. Laz stared right at Cáit. “Have one thing,” she repeated. “Me. I go home. Safe. Away from this.”

Cáit felt like gasping at the words. She could have Laz safe. Away from all of this, she could keep Laz from meeting the same fate Mia did- She didn’t have to worry about saving Laz, she would be _safe_ -

Dimly, she heard the Paladins yelling at Laz. Of course they wouldn’t want that. But they didn’t understand. They hadn’t seen the little blue Inni die for Laz, to save her life because Cáit was too young, too full of herself to understand the consequences, and then she couldn’t make Laz happy again until a certain Red Paladin showed up...

She cleared her throat. “You would go right home.” It wasn’t even a question. “And you would not return to the field of battle. Ever. Again.”

Laz nodded. “After Keith return. I go home.”

”Keith’s going to need you!” the Blue Paladin insisted, looking at Laz. “ _Thace_ needs you! You can’t go!”

Laz ignored him.

This wasn’t even close to what she needed. But she could... she could have Laz safe. She could...

”We will talk about this later,” Cáit told them. “But that will be part of the price. I’m transmitting you the location and how to get in. Once you get the Red Paladin, we’ll continue this discussion.”

And with that, she closed the channel.

She didn’t realize she had started to cry until she was sobbing.

Laz could be safe... she could have Laz safe...

The entire universe be damned.


	10. Chapter 10

Laz didn’t speak. Neither did Thace. There was no need.

Her offer... completely reckless. And yet, he understood it. Thace gently ran a hand over her flank as she rested next to him, completely understanding exactly what she had done. Cáit had been their best lead. While he wished it could be another runner, he couldn’t deny Cáit was good at what she did. Securing a route into Zarkon’s ship to rescue Keith... They needed that information. And Laz... he understood why she did it. He would do anything to have Keith out of Zarkon’s claws as well.

At the same time... Thace stroked fingers through her fur, summoning the memory of her silver fur with each brush. She had been his companion while Keith had been missing... no, it was more than that. She had been a part of them. Thace had enjoyed her company as much as Keith did, and perhaps needed her just as much as he did. And she... she perhaps needed them as much as they needed her. Losing her...

But there was no need to speak, to voice these thoughts. Laz had to be thinking the same. They both knew what happened, and what it meant. Thace only needed to spend his last moments with Laz in peace. He didn’t wish to ruin it with words.

Laz seemed to feel the same as she nuzzled into him. She knew that perhaps this would be the last night she would spend on the Castle. This was all they could do, simply lay here and enjoy the silence.

The fact that Cáit actually accepted it... he had known Cáit had been affected by the death of Laz’s lover. But he hadn’t thought by this much. He hadn’t realized that perhaps Cáit felt this close to Laz herself, this protective of her. The fact Laz had known, and had used it to find Keith... he reached up, stroking her ears.

He only hoped where she went had those that loved her as much as Cáit did.

Laz sighed next to him, and he wrapped a hand around her body. Her offer would help them find Keith. And he... they could visit Laz again, to ensure she was well. It would be, well, not ideal, but she would not be completely out of their lives. Cáit did not request that of them.

Thace had no intention of bringing that to her attention if Cáit hadn’t thought of it yet.

He felt Laz’s breathing even out next to him as she fell asleep. His own body felt heavy... perhaps sleep would not be a bad thing as well. And when he woke- well, perhaps Laz would not be here, but in her place would be a Paladin, lithe and beautiful, full of his love and safe, safe forever from Zarkon’s claws.

Thace settled back until he was comfortable, letting sleep creep over him and overtake him.

If his dreams were sad, and woke him up with tears drying on his face, he didn’t mention it to Laz when she woke the next morning.

  


* * *

  


”Are you sure we can’t use our Lions?” Lance asked, his voice low as Shiro flew the pod in closer, the invisibility cloak keeping them hidden. “I would feel a lot more comfortable if I had Blue.”

Shiro felt the same about Black, but... “We’re going to need to be stealthy,” he told him. “Cáit’s way in won’t work if we use our Lions.”

”Still. We can’t guarantee we’re not going to see some firepower once we get Keith. And Green and Yellow aren’t exactly powerhouses, you know?”

Lance wasn’t saying anything that Shiro hadn’t already thought. “I know, Lance. But we need at least two people infiltrating Zarkon’s ship.” And Shiro... Shiro had to be there. He had to make up for Keith being kidnapped.

Next to him, Lance went quiet. Damn it. Was he reminding Lance... damn it, he should have taken Hunk with him. Lance might have insisted on coming with him, but he shouldn’t have let him come with him. Shiro knew that Lance had been afraid of him lately, and that it had been his fault. He needed to stop-

”Then we need to move quickly, before Zarkon realizes what happened.” Lance’s voice was almost too quiet to be heard. “How much longer on the cloak?”

”We should have two more minutes on it.” The upgrade had been incredibly useful, but the cooldown... hopefully getting Keith would be a long enough cooldown for it.

”Okay.” Shiro could see Lance drumming his fingers on his knees, and he swallowed. He just needed... to get Keith and get out. And then he’d... Lance wouldn’t be making that face.

Carefully, they landed the pod in a blind spot. “I’ll move it once we have Keith,” Lance told him. “I’ll meet you in the hanger.”

Shiro nodded.

Zarkon’s ship was... pretty much like any other ship. It was kind of nice not to have any alarms going off while they slipped through the halls, but Shiro’s heart pounded in his chest as he pressed up against the walls, listening. At any time, they could be caught. It could go wrong at any time.

Lance’s eyes went wide as they suddenly heard boots rushing their way, and they threw themselves into a nearby hallway. They could hear a buzz of excitement- damn it. Did they realize they were there? Shiro looked at Lance, the two of them frowning. He shook his head, silently telling Lance not to make any mistakes. They weren’t sure yet. It could be anything.

They continued down the hall, and damn it. Someone had let them know they were there. Shiro held out his hand, holding Lance back. He knew Lance wasn’t Keith, wouldn’t do anything recklessly dumb unless provoked, but better safe than sorry. They needed Keith first.

Besides, where Keith should be was up ahead.

When the doors opened, though...

They found the Red Bayard.

Covered in Galra blood. 

In Zarkon’s throat.

Lance gagged, and Shiro felt his breath come faster because that wasn’t all. _That wasn’t all._

_Galra blood wasn’t red._

And yet there was red blood painting the room.

Human blood.

Too much blood-

But Keith wasn’t there where was Keith _where was Keith_ -

”C-come on... we need to...”

Shiro blinked. He was fighting Galra, his hand lighting up the wall.

He blinked. He was flying back to the Castle.

He blinked.

Keith-

Keith was...


	11. Chapter 11

All that blood...

Lance sat down on his bed, forcing himself to breathe slowly. It meant nothing. It... it had to. They had lost Keith once, seen his limp body being taken from a cell. He had just been asleep that time. All that blood... this time, it... it had to be something else.

Slowly, he lifted his hands, looking at his fingers. Was there blood smeared on the gloves there? Galra blood, human blood?

God, Zarkon was _dead._ And yet, he couldn’t focus on the fact the evil emperor they had wanted to take down was dead because Keith could possibly be dead as well. If he wasn’t dead, he was missing, and they couldn’t find him. Lance grit his teeth, biting back a whimper. He just... God... if they were a little faster...

Lance clenched his eyes shut tightly.

It was his fault this all happened in the first place. And if Keith ended up being dead, that was his fault too. It was...

A loud crack sent Lance to his feet. That was- Shiro’s room. He didn’t even have to think before he was running. Was Shiro okay? Did he fall? God, he saw how Shiro had been and he didn’t even try to make sure he was okay after-

No. Lance stopped right outside his room, swallowing. If Shiro was... he might...

Shiro would never hurt him.

He still couldn’t... raise his hand and knock, though.

No. Lance frowned. He could do this. Quickly, he raised his hand, and...

Knocked, before he could stop himself.

Shiro didn’t answer.

Lance’s hand shook. That... was bad. Really bad. Shiro answered if he was there.

Shiro wouldn’t hurt him.

Lance knocked again.

No one answered.

”Shiro!” What if something was wrong? What if Shiro was hurt? Lance knocked again, frantic. Where were Pidge and Hunk when he needed them? Of course, with their Lions. And Thace and Laz were probably not anywhere near the sleeping quarters either. Lance slammed his fist on the door. “ _Shiro!_ ”

Finally, the door opened. Shiro stood there- and Lance stood his ground, despite wanting to take a step back at the wild look in his eyes. Shiro would _never_ hurt him. Despite looking like he didn’t see him at all... Lance swallowed.

”Hey... S-shiro?”

Slowly, Shiro looked down at him, focusing. “Lance,” he ground out.

”H-hey... I heard a thud.” Lance looked him over, trying to see if something had fallen, or if he was hurt anywhere.

Shiro blinked, not understanding. Then, he slowly looked down at his human hand- which was covered in blood. He looked over at the wall. “Keith is dead,” he said slowly, his voice strange.

”What- no! Keith’s not dead!” Lance reached out, taking Shiro’s hand. It was scraped up... had he fallen? “Shiro, Keith is not dead! He was hurt, yeah, and he’s missing, but we can find him. Laz can use the fact she will go home when we _get_ Keith to make Cáit find him. We’ll find him.”

”Keith is dead.” Lance’s head snapped up to look at Shiro when he heard the utter grief in his voice. “It’s my fault. If I hadn’t-” He shook his head. “It’s my fault,” he whispered. “I failed him. I-I failed all of you...”

”Don’t you dare,” Lance hissed at him. “He’s still alive, and we can find him! You didn’t fail anyone and it’s not your fault! It’s...” He swallowed. “If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine. You told me to keep an eye on him and I- I didn’t-”

Shiro’s gaze sharpened at that, surprised. “Lance, no. It’s not your fault. I’m the leader, I should-”

Lance slapped a hand over his mouth. For a moment, he just stared into Shiro’s eyes, unable to say anything. Then, slowly, he pulled his hand away from Shiro’s mouth, gaze straying to Shiro’s lips, then back up to his eyes. “It’s not your fault,” he whispered.

He felt Shiro’s Galra hand wrap around his wrist. “I should have kept all of you safe. I should have kept you safe,” he whispered, pulling Lance’s hand back to his lips. “None of you should have ever...”

What was... “Shiro...?”

Slowly, Shiro let him go. “I’m sorry,” he told him. “I shouldn’t-”

”What are you-”

Shiro looked away. “You should leave, Lance.”

What was he saying? Lance shook his head, glaring at him. “Shiro.”

When Shiro looked back at him... oh. _Oh._ Lance watched his gaze drop, and _oh_. Without thinking much more, he leaned forward, his arms twining around Shiro’s neck. He could feel Shiro holding him closer as Shiro leaned in as well, meeting him in the kiss, messy and needy.

It didn’t matter right now that Shiro probably was just kissing him because he needed something good. He was being kissed by Shiro, which was good enough for right now. This was enough. And once Shiro was okay... well, he could play it off.

But right now, feeling Shiro slide his human fingers across his cheek as he deepened the kiss was amazing, he he didn’t want it to end.

  


* * *

  


”So what are we going to do?” Pidge asked, sitting forward. “I mean, didn’t we already give up everything we got?”

Laz shook her head. “Go home when we _get_ Keith. Don’t have Keith.”

”Exactly.” Shiro took a deep breath. He wasn’t exactly... calm yet, but he was... feeling better. Lance had been right. They would find Keith. Laz had put herself on the line, yes... but in the best way in this case. She would be able to stay and help them until they got Keith back. She might even be able to get Cáit to do things for her. Though... Shiro looked over at Laz. She didn’t quite seem that type.

But... they hadn’t found a body. Keith’s body wasn’t with Zarkon’s. Which meant someone had taken Keith after Zarkon had been killed, presumably by Keith. Why would someone take Keith’s dead body? It didn’t make sense. He had to still be alive. But the question was, who took him?

Shiro looked over at Lance, feeling something warm build in his chest as he did. They would find him. They would all find him, and bring him back to where it was safe.

And this time, they had help.

Shiro closed his eyes. Keith just had to hold on a little longer.

They were coming for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! Thank you all so much for reading! As always, I have something a little less intense queued up next, and after that will be Keith's side of what happened during his time with Zarkon, and what actually happened during his altercation with Zarkon!
> 
> All the love to infiniterhapsody for helping me on this, and on the rest of the series as well!
> 
> Thank you all so much!


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